Oh the royal wedding... Such a fairytale, don't you just love it?
Well you may have noticed I haven't talked about my wedding plans lately, and that is because there is none at this time. It was supposed to happen this september but we postponed. I was way too seduced by the idea of a big party, its decor, cake, shoes, flowers, color palette - not to mention designing my dream dress - then I realized my plans were based on what I thought it should be conquered by the age of 30: wedding, home, kids.
But why are we supposed to have it all figured out by 30? Last year I felt that the pression was on, I felt I should settle, I should have a decorated home and I should have plans for kids. Although I do want all of the above, I still have a lot to learn about myself - and there was no party, no contract and no piece of furniture that could ever fulfill me. So despite all expectations I decided to take a detour in my life and in my career and I made that my top priority.
I have already done the Vegas wedding thing at age 25 and thought it was it! It seemed beautiful in theory: "I was marrying this guy I felt in love with the very first night I kissed him, and he moved to another country for me". But it all turnout to be as dramatic like as a mexican soap opera, with manipulation, humiliation and infidelity. I could go on and on about what a bad guy he was but the truth is that we were both too immature trying to play house together.
Just emphasizing: this is not my actual wedding picture, decided to keep it private - but you get the idea hu?
I can't describe how happy I was the day I got divorced - maybe that is the sort of happiness most people feel when they get married - the feeling that you made the right choice! And one day... I want to write a book about all this - not the divorce itself neither they guy - but a book about the process of being broken into pieces and finding strength to pick myself up - such a delicate subject that I still haven't had the nerve to read the journal I kept from that time...But surviving an abusive relationship has not left me cold - if anything it left me with even more desire to get done right this time! Yes, I still dream of a fairytale wedding! So maybe it will take place in 2012, maybe in 2013... maybe kids after the wedding, or maybe kids before the wedding, or maybe adopting kids... who knows, I decided I am going to create the life I want - and not what it looks good on paper! No hurry. No pressure.
Wow it is quite intimidating to write personal things like this... but after all this sharing, if I were planning a wedding and if budget wasn't an issue... this Marchesa gown would be it...
A girl can dream...